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Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness

In order to lead a reasonably normal and productive life, most of us have to be assertive at one time or another. Many people mistakenly confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness, but the two are actually very different. Though aggression is warranted in some circumstances, it is most often associated with uncontrolled negative behavior. Assertiveness, on the other hand, is simply the act of expressing your wants and your needs clearly. To some people this comes easily, but to others the thought of asserting themselves in certain types of situations causes a great deal of anxiety.

If you feel that you have a problem asserting yourself, one of the first things that you might want to do is try to discover the reasons why. A tendency to shyness can be inherited, but many people who consider themselves shy still know how to express their desires when the need calls for it. If you feel that you are so shy that it interferes with your daily life and prevents you from being able to communicate your wants and needs to other people, then it is a serious problem. Seeking the help of a qualified therapist can often do wonders to help you discover the reasons for your excessive shyness. On top of this, it can help you discover and then capitalize on your strengths, building your confidence for all social situations.

The majority of people who have trouble with assertiveness are not excessively shy, nor do they feel the need for therapy. There are simply some situations where they feel that they fail to assert themselves successfully. If you are one of these people, one of the things that you need to understand is that you never need to be unpleasant in order to be assertive. Though making your desires or boundaries perfectly clear can make some people uncomfortable, you need to realize that this is not your problem. If you believe that you are being fair to yourself and expressing your ideas in a calm and rational manner, there is no need for you to feel guilty if you are not willing to do what some other people want you to do.

For the majority of people, assertiveness is appreciated. It is honest communication in which a person leaves no doubt as to what he or she reasonably wants and expects. If you find yourself in a situation that calls for assertiveness, you need to remember this. If a friend asks you to do something that goes against your personal ethics, they will respect you more if you tell them why you won’t do it then if you make weak excuses. If you are in a job interview and you feel that the interviewer should know more about you than what they have asked, being assertive and volunteering this information will portray you as confident. Assertiveness along with a positive attitude and compassionate nature is attractive to others. Communicating your wants and needs as well as your boundaries helps others know where they stand with you, and this is something that everyone appreciates.

Once you learn how to stand up for yourself in this way, and are able to say what’s on your mind clearly and calmly, many positive changes result. Assertive Training can make such a huge difference today to how you feel about being assertive. Download it now, and enjoy the positive results created by becoming assertive in the days and weeks to come at: Assertive Training

Scott Barker- EzineArticles- Expert Author

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Filed under: Anger Management, Emotions, Self Esteem/Confidence, Self-Improvement