Mental Health Drop In Center

My best friend committed suicide this last week over a terrible addiction he could not beat. He knew of no other way out at the time.

My girlfriend and I and 2 friends went to his house to pay our respects to his wife, 2 adult daughters, and 2 grand kids. His wife pulled me aside and told me how much he talked about me. I told her he was my best friend and a great man.

The viewing last night I was still in shock and denial even after seeing him – waiting to wake up from this horrible dream. It didn’t actually hit me until I went to my regular 12 step program meeting afterwords and didn’t see his truck there, knowing I’d never see it again. It was even harder to walk downstairs in the basement of the church where we hold our meetings. I kept looking for him but he wasn’t there. But I made it through the entire meeting.

3 years ago he called me after using, driving towards home telling me he was going to go home and get the checkbook and/or the gun and go back and use some more. I immediately called his wife who hid the checkbook and the gun. I then called the police. I got him to go back to our 12 step program that night. I believe I saved his life that night.

He has always called me before when he was having problems. I suspect this time he didn’t call me because he really wanted to die and he knew I would take action – anything to prevent it.

When he came to the 12 step program in 2005, that’s the same time I quit using after struggling for a few years in the program. He picked me up in his truck for the meetings. I can remember all of the long talks we had when I was struggling so much. He always kept telling me I was a good man.

He carried me the last 5 years which is why I have 5 years clean time and true happiness today.

I am a high functionally Autistic. I watched how he interacted with people so well and that’s how I slowly gained the confidence to look people in the eye feel comfortable enough to talk to them, provided I knew who they were. But what an improvement.

He carried me when I needed it. I carried him when he needed it. I will miss him very deeply. I do believe that he gave me the strength/confidence to carry on throughout the rest of my life with the support of others, especially my girlfriend who I love very much. But no one will ever replace him.

I’m still waiting to wake up from this nightmare, but I know I won’t for this is reality what addictions can do to anyone of us. I truly hate this disease for it took my best friends life.

Please – if any of you or anyone you know are thinking about suicide, I strongly urge you DON’T. It leaves unbearable pain with family and friends dealing with it – some who never recovers from all of the grief.

There is ALWAYS hope. Things do and will get better. Reach out for help/support if you have to. Help is always available. For my own personal story on my road to recovery, go to:
http://www.MentalHealthDropInCenter.com/about

Rest in peace my best friend. I love you.

Scott Barker
Founder
http://www.MentalHealthDropInCenter.com

Related posts:

1. 3 Powerful Ways to Build Inner Peace and Harmony
2. What You Need to Know About Suicide and Why

Filed under: Depression, Mental Health Disorders, Suicide